Parenting Teens Emotional and Mental Health in 2023
Parenting teenagers is harder than it has ever been. The mental health challenges that teens are facing are greater than ever before. The teenage years are some of the most important years in a teen’s life. The teenage brain is changing, causing many teens' behavior to seem out of place. It can leave you as a parent wondering what parenting skills you might need to help them navigate the teen years effectively into young adulthood. While many teenagers take care of their physical health, emotional health is just as important. How do you help support your teen’s mental and emotional health?
Here are some tried and true parenting tips to help nurture your teen's mental and emotional health.
How To Nurture Your Teen’s Mental and Emotional Health
Listen to Them and Believe Their Experience.
The first important thing that is crucial for every teen is having someone to listen to them. Many teens understand that they aren't little kids nor are they an adult just yet. Teens voice that they feel disrespected by many adults because they are in this transition phase and they feel that no one believes their experience. One of the most important things that you can do as a parent is to listen to them and trust that they are telling the truth as they see it.
A teen's understanding of the world is limited by their experience. It can be a challenge being the parents of teens. You as a parent have lived many more years and have more wisdom. While it can be tempting to want to instruct them and correct them immediately, it is important to listen to them. Many parents hear their teens complain of anxiety or depression and, although they hear what they are saying, they haven't seen any behavior that matches anxiety or depression. Even if it doesn't make sense, believe what teens are asking which leads to the next parenting tip.
Don’t be Afraid to Ask
Asking a teen what is going on in their life can be scary. There may be fear of what your teen might say. Many teens share that they are waiting for parents and friends to ask what is going on in their lives before they share. A common complaint a teen often says is that they have shown the signs, but others have missed it. A teen may show anger, inattentiveness, isolation, or substance abuse as a sign of something that they are struggling with. This can be a challenge for parents. If you suspect that something is up, don't hesitate to ask. Many teens are just wanting for someone else to start the conversation.
Is it as simple as just asking if they are struggling with anxiety? Yes! The challenging thing is that if you ask your teen if he is doing ok, he most likely will say yes that he is fine. It can be helpful to ask more direct questions like “Do you ever feel down?” or “What pressures are you facing?”
Ask What That is Like
Speaking to a teen can be like speaking a foreign language. They live in a digital world full of Snapchat, Instagram stories, and Tik Tok streams. The best source of information to understand a teen is your teen himself. Asking the question, "What is that like?" can help ground your teen and open your teen up for connection and conversation.
Without jumping into advice-giving, take time to understand your teen's experience. Helpful questions or sentence prompts can be: "tell me what depression feels like for you." "When does anxiety show up?" "How bad does it get when it happens?" "What is that relationship struggle like for you?"
Understand Stress
Stress has reached epidemic levels for teens. The New York Times has labeled what young people are facing as the "inner pandemic." Teens feel pressure to not just do their best, but to excel at everything, all of the time. Teens feel pressure to have the best academic performance, the best sports stats, the most friends, perfect families, and no feelings of distress.
Teens are expected to be happy, go-lucky, or, essentially, to live with a mask. This creates an impossible burden for teens. Adolescents are looking for someone to talk to, someone to get guidance from on how to live this "teenager stage". Many teens feel like no one understands what it is like to be their age.
It’s Important to Understand Warning Signs in Teens
In helping teens, it can be important for parents to understand the warning signs of anxiety or depression. Is your teen isolating himself? Is he using screen time more than ever before? Does he seem constantly on edge like he hasn't slept well in days? Teens are looking for help in how to cope with these feelings and pressures. They feel it from peers, schools, parents, and social media.
Teens need parents and sometimes they need a friend. You can be a listening ear for your teen giving him the chance to talk. Understand what his stress is like. Take time to listen to the pressures he feels in his life. Your child may be growing up, but oftentimes he still feels lost and needs guidance and direction.
Do Something Meaningful, Especially For Them
There is no substitute for time. It can be especially hard with all of the household responsibilities and other requirements parents have on their plates. However, one of the most important things that you can do when raising teenagers is to spend time with them. Listen to their favorite music, eat meals with them one on one, and let them have a voice in where you go for a family vacation.
While the teen years are a time of wanting to spend more time with peers, teens still want their parents in their lives. It can be tough navigating parenting because it isn't as easy as it was when your teens were little kids. Managing schedules and responsibilities can be a barrier, but teens want parents to stay involved more than most people realize.
Take Care of Your Own Emotional Health
Teens need models. Most teens have a hard time doing things that they haven't seen others do before them. Teens will resort to handling things on their own and struggle to ask for help. Teens worry that if they can't handle something, then something is wrong with them. Teens need a model of what mental health and emotional health look like. Taking care of your own emotional/ mental health can provide a model for your teen to want to do the same. Teens watch their parents and while they push boundaries, they are looking for people to emulate.
Explain The Limits and Why
One of the biggest challenges when trying to raise teens is the behavior concerns that inevitably come. Your teen may be pushing boundaries, engaging in risky behavior, or not completing school responsibilities resulting in decreased academic performance. Teens push boundaries with drugs, alcohol, and sex, and lose the respect it seemed they once had. All of these behaviors can lead you as a parent to lay down some rules. Teens may push back complaining that the rules are "dumb" or "unfair." They may complain that other parents don't react the same way.
It is understandable how frustrating this can be for parents! Trying to manage your emotions, getting all the things that you need to get done, and fighting with your teen adds so much to your plate. When having a conversation with teens it is important that teens understand limits and why. It can be hard to feel like you have to have a reason for rules, but teens are trying to figure out how the world works for them and how to navigate it effectively.
Explaining to teens that all people need limits to be their best can help them understand why the family works the way it does, and not only what the expectations are, but why. Contrary to popular belief, most teens want limits and boundaries. They just need help understanding why they are there.
Invite Them to Make a Plan
What do you do when your teen continues to complain even after you have explained the limits? Parents understand how life works to a greater degree than a teen does, but teens have a hard time believing that's the case sometimes. It can be helpful to invite a teen's autonomy and ask them to make a plan for how things should work. For example, you might say the following statement, "The job of parents is to help their children become young adults”.
I know that you think our rules are unfair. We are open to compromise and listening, but we need you to come up with a plan for how this should work, what you want, and what you think effective limits should be." Teens will ultimately benefit from their parents giving them this level of decision-making power. You don't have to agree with their plan, but you can invite them into the process.
Offer Genuine Praise
Teens struggle with self-esteem, often worrying about how they measure up to peers. A teen's life is a time of growth and increasing independence. Teens are trying to figure out who they are. Parents can help support their teen’s self-esteem and subsequently their emotional and mental health by offering genuine praise. When you see your teen doing something positive or exhibiting an exceptional quality, compliment them for it. Make sure they are complemented not for the roles they plan ("You're such a good athlete." You're such an amazing son!"). These compliments can be good, but it is more effective for parents to praise their teen’s behaviors and efforts.
Best-selling author Carol Dweck wrote a book entitled "Growth Mindset". In the book, she explains how many parents and adults praise kids on outcomes instead of the process. When parents can praise their teen's effort, it produces a better result. An example may be, "You worked so hard in studying for that exam, good job!" rather than, "I love that you received an A, good job!)". Praising a kid’s behavior and effort helps increase their resilience and affirm their ability to accomplish what they set out to do.
Failure is Normal
The word that no one likes, is "failure". The self-esteem of many teens and young adults often takes a hit because they don't know how to process failure. Returning to Carol Dweck's work, when a student can understand that it is about the process, not the outcomes, teens develop the ability to persevere through failure rather than cave under it. Parents have a unique challenge in helping their children work through adolescence. Failure in school, athletics, and more can cause a teen to get down on themselves. It is important to remind them that failures and mistakes are an opportunity to learn and improve rather than a judgment of their ability.
Give Tools Not Avoidance
Teens are desperate to know how to navigate life well. Parents can help their teens by giving them tools to take care of their emotional and mental health. One of the biggest tactics parents can use is to equip their children rather than shield them. There can be a very real pressure to protect your child from the dangers of the world. Just turning on the news can bring anxiety to a parent's heart.
Teens need to learn to be resilient and face life's challenges rather than avoid them. Teens need to know how to work through problems, setbacks, and failures, rather than avoiding things that may be uncomfortable. There is a rise in a phenomenon termed "ghosting" among teenagers where when someone is no longer interested in another person romantically, instead of telling them that they are not interested, there is no more contact leaving the romantic partner to wonder what happened. It is imperative that teens learn to have hard conversations and face challenging things.
Life is full of adversity and teens need tools to learn how to navigate it. Giving a teenager tools can help them learn problem-solving skills that will last for the rest of their lives.
Offer Support and Resources
There aren't any roadmaps for parenting teens which can make your job really hard. When your teen tells you that he is struggling with anxiety or depression it can be hard to know how to support him. Sometimes you need to connect with another source of support or offer resources.
Talking to your teen about mental health can be important and being willing to help your teen by using teen counseling and finding a counselor or therapist can be a meaningful source of support for your teen. Additionally, there are many groups available for teens. Teens often need social support and care. Research groups that your teen may be interested in and look at them together.
Parenting Teenagers
Parenting teenagers is a hard job. The world is constantly changing and it can cause a parent to wonder what the next right move is. Sometimes you need help. At Ember Counseling Atlanta, I work to help adolescent boys and other young men navigate this challenging age. My belief is that teen counseling is for everyone and is a helpful space to process life and the things going on. Developing mental resilience is necessary for living a happy life.
I want to help your son get there. Parenting young adults are hard enough, you need some help too. I offer individual and family therapy to help teens thrive in life both now and in the future.
If you are interested in getting started or seeing what counseling services could be like, schedule a free 15-minute consultation today! We will take some time to understand what obstacles your teen is facing and figure out what the best next steps are to help him thrive!
Interested in Teen Counseling in Atlanta, GA?
Do you feel like your teen may need a little more support with their emotions and mental health? At my Atlanta, GA practice I can help provide both you and your teen with support and help your teen develop the coping skills he needs to develop the necessary resilience for living a happy life. To get started with teen counseling follow these three simple steps:
Contact me to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation
Meet with me, Ash Blanton, a therapist in Atlanta, GA
Begin seeing positive behaviors in your teen!
Other Services at Ember Counseling Atlanta
At my Atlanta, GA counseling practice, I offer many services to help fit your mental health needs. In addition to teen counseling, I provide in-person and online therapy in Atlanta, GA for services that include anxiety therapy, depression therapy, counseling for college students, and family counseling. I also provide an Intensive Three-Day Counseling Workshop for those who want to speed up the healing process. Check out Ember Counseling Atlanta’s blog and FAQs for more information!
